How to Deal with An Angry Child in 4 Steps
Imagine waking up tomorrow and being unable to speak, with no one around you understanding what you want or need. Would you feel frustrated?
This is how young children feel before they develop a vocabulary extensive enough to communicate with the world. It isn’t easy to deal with a child who is angry or upset but managing tantrums can be done through a 4-step process.
1. Validate their feelings
It is incredibly important to validate the feelings a child is experiencing before addressing calming techniques. If we start by trying to “talk them out of” feeling a certain way, it gives the impression that we don’t understand and puts them on the defensive. Children who feel misunderstood are more likely to argue or throw a tantrum.
Instead, these are some things you can say:
“That made you very sad. You did not like when that happened.”
“You are angry about this. Is that right?”
“Am I understanding you correctly?”
“Help me understand what happened and how it made you feel.”
2. Create a safe space to co-regulate
It’s easy and completely understandable for you to get frustrated when your child is upset. However, children are more likely to calm themselves if you stay calm. Since they pick up on other’s emotions, they will be able to feel your tension. Instead, it can be helpful to establish a calm and safe space that allows them to co-regulate their emotions with you.
One place to start is by engaging in breathing techniques together to create homeostasis when you’re flooded with emotions.
3. Process anger once you’re in a calm state
We want to help children understand the cycle of regulating their bodies so that the cycle can happen more quickly and easily in the future. Once your child has calmed down, discuss what their trigger was, why they got upset, and what helped them calm down.
You can facilitate this discussion by asking open-ended questions and making observations such as:
“What was it that made you feel angry or sad?”
“How did your body feel when that happened?”
“What helped you calm down?”
“I noticed you were feeling better when you focused on your breathing.”
4. Build exercise and healthy eating habits
Children are more likely to have an outburst if they do not have adequate amounts of activity during the day. It is important for children to get a healthy amount of exercise so that they can better manage big feelings.
High sugary diets are also more likely to cause hyperactivity and mood swings. Set your child up for success in stabilizing their mood by ensuring they have a healthy diet.